Page 131: "Got Perspective?"

Page 131 @ the Batcave

Page 130: Confessions of a Crazed Car Maniac

My beloved Miss Sparks, after more than five faithful years of service, was just decommissioned. She was an awesome car with amazing technology and gadgets, and a faithful companion. In her final weeks, she was with me side by side in an epic battle to rescue Bill the Cat (yes, THAT Bill the Cat - story forthcoming). Ah, Miss Sparks…okay, I confess I don't miss her one damn bit.

I confess that I am non-materialistic but have a serious car fetish.

I confess that I love cars more than certain family members.

I confess that I've spent more hours staring at, reading about, and polishing cars than I've ever spent doing charitable good deeds to help the world (most shameful).

I confess that given the choice between a large scratch on my car and having Bruno the hairy 300 pound bouncer punch my Chiclets out, I would probably let Bruno go to town. You don't need teeth to live, but you don't need a scratch on your car even more.

I confess that if I was the jealous type, I would be crazy jealous of Bob, who gets to run a company in the automotive arena. Working in the car bid'ness? As my excitable old Aunt June used to say, "I think I just peed a little."

I confess that I've "stolen" approximately $43,238 in my life by standing and reading, cover to cover, car magazines out of the racks of stores all over the world without buying them. Sometimes, I've read car magazines in languages I didn't even know existed.

I confess that I am NOT a car snob, but I find almost all American cars uglier than roadkill... although I think the current line of Buicks has a grace and beauty unseen in American jalopies for over 30 years. Okay, who has taken up defending Buicks anytime recently? Clearly I am not a car snob. Quit laughing, Chucklehead -- go take a look at the Buick LaCrosse and see what I mean. On the other hand, the Ford Fusion is the 2010 Motor Trend Car of the Year? Good Lord, Honey. The Ford Fusion is good for one thing: being hauled off to the cemetery, beaten with sledge hammers, and rammed into a giant crater. Fill that hole up with dirt, boys; nobody should have to look at something like that.

These are the confessions of a car crazed maniac. I was on the wagon for almost 6 years, but I fell off with a vengeance.


Please meet my new assistant, Number Six. He's quite a piece of work… German efficiency and all that. Gently used but nary a scratch, he is ready for a new life in Austin and a new set of Starship adventures in the Batcave. Number Six, set a course for the car wash and prepare to set wheels to "polish."

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