So it turns out that me, the kid from the blazing hot Texas hills who baked his entire childhood with parents who didn't believe in air conditioning, ended up marrying a beautiful woman who runs only frozen liquid nitrogen in her veins at Absolute Zero. This means that she freezes to death year round, especially in the 100 degree summer when "all that cold air is blowing."
What are the odds?
In contrast, I don't wear a jacket outside unless it's below 26 degrees. I sleep with the windows open in 40 degree weather. My idea of a good thermostat is a thermostat with icicles hanging off it. I need cold air blowing on me 7x24. See the problem?
For Mrs. Kathryn, it's a bit different. She travels around with a jacket in the summer, "in case it's cold in the restaurant/movie theater/mall/car/church/sidewalk/oven/park/anywhere." If there is a breeze, she is shivering like Scooby Doo in the Haunted Mansion. For this past Valentine's Day, I bought her a full-body flannel PajamaGram complete with footies, because she had only spoken the words "I'm Freezing" for weeks when the temperatures here in Austin dipped below 60. She took one look at the plush pink footie pajama suit and loved it! I have a picture of her wearing it, but am unable to post it on account that she might punch my head in like a cheeseball.
We were headed to the restaurant. "Kristin and Keaton, put on your coats!" Kathy insisted.
"But Mom -- it's 90 degrees outside," Kristin protested.
"If you want to catch your death of a cold out there, young lady, you just go right ahead."
Sigh.
"Would you like to sit outside, sir?" the hostess asked.
"Uh -- yes please. I guess. Can you bring me a cold rag, a sack of ice, a sweat bucket and a stack of towels? Yes? Okay, and a propane heater and electric blanket for my wife? Thanks." As luck would have it, a fan was blowing on the patio, trying to keep the patrons comfortable. Kathy gave the fan a horrified look and shot me a look of misery. Perhaps if I ask for an ax and chop off the corners of the table and start a fire, she'll feel better, I thought. And then I can jump over the rail and hit the concrete head first, and then I'll feel better too.
No, no! Do not get the wrong idea. As we approach our 24th wedding anniversary, I would not want you to think that Her Hotness's cold nature ever gets on my nerves. The answer is never, ever, ever. She is, after all, My Sweet Baboo, and when thawed out, an utter delight.
"Is that coooold AIR blowing?" she asked recently at Tres Amigos.
"Yes maam, it is. It's called the 'air conditioning'," the waiter patiently explained. "We use that here in Texas." I barely noticed, too busy fanning myself with the menu in the 80 degree dining room.
We all have these little things we have to work through in our relationships, don't we? Well, luckily for me, it's not too difficult. After all, there is one thing you cannot deny about my wife -- she's HOT! Really.
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